This is the most vulnerable thing (and longest post) I have ever shared publicly. Ever. Last week’s loss of one of the greatest actors and comedians hit me hard. I know his pain, R.I.P. Robin Williams. By now I’m sure your Facebook news feed has been filled with loving remembrances of not just Robin Williams, but other people’s loved ones who suffered like he did. You probably read a few stories from friends realizing that you never knew that they too were suffering in silence. You may have even felt a hurt in your heart because you personally struggle with this silent sadness as well. I get it. I read it…and I felt it. There’s this part of me that really struggles and I don’t mean struggles to eat the right food or exercise daily. I mean struggles to get out of bed and even function. The kind of struggle where I’ve laid in bed crying for 3 days straight to feel “normal” again. To be the happy person I know resides inside me. I was a really sad kid. Like really, really sad. I would go to bed and pray to God that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning. I would pray that He would have mercy on me and keep me from the daily struggle of life. Just getting up and facing the day was so much to handle and there were no logical reasons I felt that way. Everybody feels sad at times, and even depressed, but depression is real and it is debilitating for some. I look back at 6 year old Jessica and I’m so sad for her that it was such a struggle and that suicide felt like the best possible option. Most people don’t even think of someone as young as 6 being depressed. I can still feel what it was like desperately wanting to ask for help but being afraid of what might happen if I told the truth. The truth of how much I wanted it all to stop. For some of us, living is so hard. I set really high standards for myself, even at 6 years old. I’m not sure if that helped or made matters worse. But what I do know is that the thought of suicide wasn’t scary because being good enough just didn’t add up. It was easier to think of not living than it was to think of living a life not good enough. Death has never been something I feared. I fear being injured which is why I am terrified of things like airplanes and bunging jumping, but death has never scared me. The only thing that kept me going as a kid was knowing how much my family loved me. Despite my feelings of desperation I just could not do that to my mother. I knew she would never forgive herself for having not seen the signs. I couldn’t break her heart like that. I couldn’t let my dad suffer the loss of a child. (Thanks Mom & Dad for loving me so much!). I also couldn’t leave my siblings with a broken mom. What I wished had been different was that it would have felt safe to say I need help. To say help me, I am dying on the inside. Something inside me never felt right and it never felt safe to tell anyone. I was terrified that if I asked for help they would take me away from my mom or that my parents would go bankrupt with medical debt trying to take care of me and that felt more selfish than suicide. Instead I spent my days crying. I have always been teased by my siblings for being oversensitive. While it might be true, how would things have been different if they only knew how many times I sat down with a plan to meet death and it was sparing them the sadness that I didn’t. I know they didn’t know what I was struggling with deep down inside. I know that they loved me and were just being siblings and I am grateful that I was treated normal by them. Plus, to be honest, I wasn’t prepared to deal with them pitying me if I had come forward about my thoughts of suicide and how I was sick with depression. It was easier to have them watch me in confusion as I sat on the floor hyperventilating with anxiety attacks on an almost daily basis. It was easier to be a “freak” than it is to admit that I suffer from depression. How the heck did that feel safer? Instead…I was shamed into silence. I suffered in silence. Depression is a silent killer. Recently I told my mom about my thoughts of suicide as a kid and she had no idea. I know that her even knowing I felt that way must hurt for her. As a mother I know how much it would sting to know a child was hurting so much inside. But she didn’t know because it was my secret that was easier to keep than share. I certainly don’t share my story for pity. By all means, I cried the entire time I wrote this. But for once it’s easier to share than hide because if just ONE PERSON FEELS LESS ALONE BY READING THIS, then it’s worth dealing with anything else that might come from it. I wish that I could say that I don’t ever deal with depression anymore. But I do. I’ve had to talk with my kids about my depression. That was the least fun thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’ve had to talk to my kids about suicide and what to look for and how to help. I shared with them because I wanted them to understand that I am trying my hardest and that I love so much I am willing to be vulnerable and honest with them. I want them to know that when I’m sad it has nothing to do with them or any external events. I want them to feel safe asking for help if they ever feel this way. I share my story as well in hopes that some of what has worked for me might also work for you or someone you love. Disclaimer real quick: I am not YOUR medical professional. I am sharing my own personal experience and all your medical decisions need to be made with your medical doctor. What I am sharing are tools that have made depression less debilitating and have taken away my almost daily anxiety attacks.
I can tell you that any time as an adult that depression has crept up and kept me in bed crying has been because I wasn’t taking care of myself the way I need too. 11 months ago I quit my day job (best decision of my life). Yet, 3 months later I laid in bed crying for 2-3 days. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Why the relapse? I was truly happier than I had been in 15 years. I finally quit that soul sucking job. I was pissed off that depression was doing this to me at a so called happy time of my life. I lost my identity. I had been the banker girl and didn’t know how to be me. MORE IMPORTANTLY, and my husband’s keen observation, was that I also stopped taking care of myself. I stopped being diligent about my daily vitamins, eating every 2-3 hours and I went from walking 2-5 miles per day to walking the dogs for an obligatory ½ mile. I even quit my job teaching yoga. I let go of my healthy routine when I let go of my job. How did I let that happen when living well was my JOB! This takes me back to my depression as a child. I’m sure as a kid I wasn’t getting proper nutrition or adequate exercise for my needs. No fault of my mother. I was a picky eater and hated sports. I lived for the arts and reading as a way of self expression (or self preservation). A way to express myself without words. Sometimes I think of my husband’s pancreatitis and realize that him being sick was one of the greatest gifts I could ever receive. It took me down the road of becoming a nutritionist and yoga teacher. I taught ne about how to heal myself and love myself. I know in my heart that self care is a fundamental act of self love. If you are suffering depression, please reach out to someone for help. Reach out to me if you need too. But start thinking of ways you can love yourself to your greatest potential. In what ways can you be your best self? For the education and less emotional part of this post (because I am a nutritionist after all), please choose one thing and add another item each week until you feel a change. This is for everyone, not just those living with depression. Also, talk with your medical professional for support.
My wish for you is that you have compassion for yourself. non-judgment of your journey and the flexibility to keep moving forward. In the words of Dory in Finding Nemo, just keep swimming. In health, happiness and joy – live your wildly vibrant life! xoxo
By Jessica Wyman
Jessica Wyman is a Wildly Vibrant health coach and yoga teacher. She has a well rounded approach to loving yourself like no other + she specializes in 5-ingredient healthy recipes. She was born and raised in Idaho and has never left her hometown area because she has access to the city while surrounded by the mountains that she backpacks with her husband, teenage sons and giant dogs. As a health-coach-mama she has no time to waste and it's her mission to make foxy, fit and fashionable living a breeze. Get her free 5-Day Wellness Program that gives a realistic approach without a diet.
Pin My Stuff |pinterest.com/jessicawyman Follow me on Twitter |@WymanJessica
Help kick the blues with the following YogaDownload classes:
While I can’t claim to be a pro at organization, I do know that I’ve learned some tricks throughout the years that have helped me maintain a healthy lifestyle. These are things that now are just second nature and it all starts with having a plan.
One of the most things we hear from people all the time is, “I don’t have enough time to make healthy food.” And boy do I ever get that. We have this idea that grabbing food from a restaurant or salad bar will be quicker than eating at home.
However, when we consider the time it takes to drive to the restaurant, place an order, pay for the food, and drive home again, we could have already made our own meal at home for a fraction of the cost. Besides, food we make ourselves is always healthier because that’s the only way to be 100% sure of what’s actually in our meals.
So what’s a busy working mom of two to do? One of my favorite ways of ensuring I always have a quick meal ready to go is by building a salad bar in my fridge. After grocery shopping, I clean, chop, and store my produce in glass containers (mason jars work great too) so that throughout the week when I need something quick, I simply throw the ingredients together in a bowl and voilá – I have a healthy meal in a matter of minutes!
You might be thinking, this all sounds nice in theory, but I’m far too busy to do all of this.
Wrong! If I can do it, so can you. It’s all about working the plan. Below are five steps to help you transform your refrigerator into you favorite salad bar.
Now I want to hear from you! Are you ready to turn your fridge into a salad bar? Please share your ideas and comments with me below and have fun!
With love and salad bars,
Julie Peláez and Jo Schaalman
Jo Schaalman and Julie Peláez are co-authors of the book The Conscious Cleanse: Lose Weight, Heal Your Body, and Transform Your Life in 14 Days, a best-selling, step-by-step guide to help you live your most vibrant life. Together they've lead thousands of people through their online supported cleanse through their accessible and light-hearted approach. They've been dubbed “the real deal” by founder and chief creative director Bobbi Brown, of Bobbi Brown Cosmetics, beauty editor of the TODAY show.
To learn more about “Jo and Jules” and to download a free e-cookbook for a sampling of the delicious food served up on the Conscious Cleanse, please visit consciouscleanse.com.
Download a class from Jo and Jules today!
Connect to Core - Jo Schaalman
Traditional Hot Yoga - Julie Peláez
I love fresh food and clean eating, but there are still so many untapped sources in the eat clean produce section. I live for 5-ingredient-clean-food recipes and as you’ve probably noticed, I live for the “eat clean” motto. So I get really excited when I try a food that is new to me and love it. This recipe has both things I love – new foods and only 5 ingredients. Maybe I lied a little, I am terrified of trying new foods even though 90% of the time it ends well. So, how about that recipe?! You’re probably dying to know what I possibly made for my first try with basil and that it was so great I want to shout it from the rooftops. Instead I’ll write it on my blog (for you)! It was also so great that my husband ate the first batch in a flash and I had to make it 3 days in a row to keep him happy. Ingredients (there’s only 5!) 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar 5 basil leaves, minced 1 nectarine, pit removed and diced 1/2 large red bell pepper, ribs removed and diced Directions Mix the diced nectarines and bell pepper in a bowl. In a small bowl, mix the olive oil, balsamic vinegar and minced basil. Then pour the dressing on the nectarines and bell peppers, toss until evenly coated. Want more free recipes like this? Click here to get a FREE digital copy of Jessica Wyman’s cookbook, Girlfriends Organic Kitchen. She is a Certified Holistic Nutritionist and Yoga Teacher and put together a collection of crazy delicious vegetarian and gluten free recipes.
Jessica Wyman is a Wildly Vibrant health coach and yoga teacher. She has a well rounded approach to loving yourself like no other + she specializes in 5-ingredient healthy recipes. She was born and raised in Idaho and has never left her hometown area because she has access to the city while surrounded by the mountains that she backpacks with her husband, teenage sons and giant dogs. As a health-coach-mama she has no time to waste and it's her mission to make foxy, fit and fashionable living a breeze. Get her free 5-Day Wellness Program that gives a realistic approach without a diet. Get free healthy recipes and wellness tips you’ll actually use at www.jessica-wyman.com
Website & Blog |Jessica-Wyman.com Join me on Facebook |Facebook.com/JessicaWymanWellness Pin My Stuff |pinterest.com/jessicawyman Follow me on Twitter |@WymanJessica
Click Here for Your Free Copy of Jessica's Cookbook!
Make your summer sweeter with the following YogaDownload classes:
By Hari Kalymnios
Edited by Jessica Raye
Hari Kalymnios is a high performance coach whose passion is helping people who need more energy in their lives, understand what it takes to achieve this and live optimally. One of the ways Hari does this is with giving people the gift of experiencing just what a detox cleanse can do for you. To find out more about the ‘Detox with a Difference’ that Hari is running, head to http://thethoughtgym.com/retreats for more information.
Start prepping for your next detox retreat with one of the following YogaDownload Classes:
What You Need:8 cups watermelonJuice from 4 lemons1 cup strawberries1 Tbsp agave (or raw honey)3 drops Lemon Essential Oil (supports immune, respiratory and digestive health)2 drops Lime Essential Oil (supports emotional, digestive and respiratory health)Not only do essential oils add a hint of flavor to the drink, they are therapeutic for your body.
What You Do:1). Blend all ingredients in a blender or vitamix.2). Serve over ice, freeze for slushies, or pour into popsicle molds.I have just given you a great recipe for your a sweet treat that’s perfect for the summer. What’s your go-to healthy, sweet treat in the summer? I would love to hear from you. Please leave your comments in the box below.XO, Hayleyphoto credit: www.rawmazing.com
Previously posted on Hayley's Blog
By Hayley Hobson
With her unique specialization in the combination and complement of pilates, nutrition and yoga, Hayley offers a cocktail of lifestyle changes that produce real and lasting results. Hayley is a columnist for Elephant Journal and has been featured in Pilates Style Magazine, Natural Health Magazine and Triathlete Magazine. She currently lives in Boulder, CO with her husband, former world-ranked triathlete, Wes Hobson and their two beautiful daughters, Makenna and Madeline. Read more about Hayley and check out her new book at HayleyHobson.com
Hot Yoga Detox Class - Julie Peláez
By Mohan Ashtakala
Mohan Ashtakala is a writer and a yoga practitioner. He was editor of a regional publication in Colorado for thirteen years. He has studied the original texts of the yoga traditions for many years, and has lived in ashrams across India. His goal is to introduce the fascinating, authentic narratives and wisdom stories of the yoga traditions to the Western audience, The Yoga Zapper – A Novel is his first novel. Visit www.yogazapper.com Check out Mohan's video about the Introduction to The Yoga Zapper & FAQ video
Go deeper into your yoga practice with the following YogaDownload Classes:
By Diane Sieg Previously published on Diane's Blog
With a career that has taken her from the chaos of the emergency room to the calm of her yoga mat, Diane Sieg first discovered yoga as a great source of physical and emotional healing during a personal crisis and has been practicing ever since. Today, as an Anusara-Inspired yoga teacher, professional speaker, published author, retreat facilitator and life-saving coach, Diane empowers people to live their most authentic life, both on and off the mat. Her teaching style is a calm intensity with strong alignment based principles. Diane is the creator of 30 Days to Grace: A Daily Practice to Achieve Your Ultimate Goals, both in CD and book format. Read more about Diane at dianesieg.com.
Your Mindful Year Mountain Retreat is coming up in August 15-17 in Peaceful Valley:
Immerse yourself in the practices of mindfulness with a weekend of yoga, meditation, deep breathing, journaling, body scan, and walking meditation. Spend the weekend in the beautiful Colorado Rockies with an intimate group of likeminded people to get the support, experience and community you need to create your mindful year. Find out more and register here!
Get retreat-ready with a YogaDownload class!
Let Your Compass Guide the Way - Kylie Larson
Yoga to Touch Your Soul - Christen Bakken
Yes it's early, but this is when the magic happens. You and the sun will reveal your strength at the same time. No need to go all the way to a National Park for a mindful hiking experience, it's all in the intention. Go to a local trail or park, or just a walk through a beautiful neighborhood. Notice what's around you, what you hear, the way the ground feels under your feet. And when you get to your favorite place on the route, Arrive in the Present Moment with this guided meditation from Jackie Casal-Mahrou.
Cooking together is fun. Pick up some fresh produce for a recipe that sounds interesting! If you need some inspiration, try a Millet Buddha Bowl - they're healthy, easy, and totally customizable!
Forrest Yoga 2 - Adv. Intermediate - Jo Schaalman
Start practicing a patient life now with a YogaDownload class!
Gentle Hatha Yoga 5 - Deep Release - Jackie Casal Mahrou
Baptiste Power Vinyasa Yoga 2 - Dave Farmar
“My passion on the mat is proper alignment, powerful breath and effortless flow so you feel that off your mat. Your practice becomes sacred space where you arrive to find more meaning, depth, authenticity and integrity in your life."
- Dana Damara: mother, author, yoga instructor, speaker and yogini. Visit DanaDamara.com for more inspiration from Dana.
By Sarah Platt-Finger
Sarah co-founded ISHTA Yoga, LLC with her husband, Alan Finger in May 2008. She holds the title Yogiraj and developed her own signature class “Sweat and Samadhi,” which is taught by ISHTA teachers worldwide. ISHTA classes and trainings are offered in Stockholm, Munich, London, and Japan. Sarah aspires to share the joy, inspiration, and self-tranformation with her students that she has received through the practice of yoga. Her daughter, Satya, inspires her every day to live a life based on love and self-empowerment. Learn more about ISHTA Yoga at ishtayoga.com and @ISHTAyoga. Follow Sarah on Facebook and Instagram.
Balance your pitta with the following YogaDownload Classes:
By Hayley Hobson Previously published on Positively Positive and Hayley's Blog.
This one is packed with tons of nutrition and even a few detoxifiers to keep your body nourished and clean.
Boost your energy with the following YogaDownload classes:
By Julie Peláez and Jo Schaalman
Jo Schaalman and Julie Peláez are co-authors of the book The Conscious Cleanse: Lose Weight, Heal Your Body, and Transform Your Life in 14 Days, a best-selling, step-by-step guide to help you live your most vibrant life. Together they’ve lead thousands of people through their online supported cleanse through their accessible and light-hearted approach. They’ve been dubbed “the real deal” by founder and chief creative director Bobbi Brown, of Bobbi Brown Cosmetics, beauty editor of the TODAY show.
Conscious Cleanse Detox Flow - Jo Schaalman