Can you relate?
Wayne Dyer says: “All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy. ”
I am a yoga instructor who practices yoga almost daily. When on my mat, there’s an incredible sense of ownership and accountability that I embrace in each posture. I know that if I feel anxious or upset in a certain posture, that I am meeting myself where I am at. No one else is doing this to me - I own it and see it through. Off the mat though, it is easy to forget to own your actions and to own your response.
Recently a friend shared with me a troubling situation where she finished it by saying “well, whatever doesn’t serve you must be let go, right?” And this is true, but that doesn’t mean you get out of the pose. It may mean that you STAY in the pose and figure out what it is that you’re doing to contribute to your own angst. How can you see the situation differently? Are you doing anything to contribute to the situation? Are you blaming? If you’re blaming, why? Is there something you are avoiding?
I got myself out of the habit of blaming others by turning off my mind, and paying attention to the cues in my body, just as I do on the yoga mat. I notice that every time something happens where my first impulse is to blame, I feel trapped - tight in the jaw, shoulders and chest, and stomach region. My body physically responds negatively to the negative emotion. Because I want to feel as good as I do at the end of my yoga practice and all day long, I recognize that the contraction I feel in my body as a result of my blaming, is not in alignment with my goal to feel great! I can bring back the yoga bliss by putting a stop to the blaming thought pattern, and asking myself two simple questions: “what is the lesson for me in this situation?” and “How can I let go?” Literally, as soon as I turn this around, my body softens again. And I grow. I feel liberated and light because I see again that it all comes back to me, and has nothing to do with the other person. I am in charge of me.
By Timarie Mikolasek
Timarie Mikolasek is a yoga instructor and wellness coach. Her practice of yoga has led her to better understand her relationships with others, her relationship to herself, and an ongoing study in nutrition. She is the founder of an internet-based Wellness Warrior Challenge, and hosts many Yoga and Wellness retreats and workshops throughout the year through www.realgreendaily.com
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